The holiday season can be a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. However, for many children and adolescents, this period can also heighten stress, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation. While adults may associate the holidays with positive anticipation, children often experience increased stress due to changes in structure, heightened expectations, and emotional triggers tied to disrupted routines, family dynamics, or loss.
Recognizing how holiday stress presents in children and understanding how to respond can promote regulation, resilience, and a greater sense of emotional safety making the holidays feel more peaceful and meaningful for the whole family.
Sources of Holiday Stress for Children
- Disrupted routines: School breaks, travel, store outings, and late-night events alter sleep, meals, and activity patterns that typically provide predictability and comfort.
- High emotional expectations: Children may feel internal or external pressure to be cheerful, grateful, or “well-behaved,” which can create performance-related anxiety.
- Family transitions or divorce: Navigating multiple households, adjusting to new family structures, or experiencing divided holiday schedules may evoke sadness, guilt, or loyalty conflicts.
- Loss and grief: The absence of a loved one (due to death, separation, or estrangement) is often felt more acutely during family gatherings or changes in long-held traditions.
- Parental stress: Children absorb parental worries about finances, gift-giving, or family conflict.
- Social and sensory overload: Crowds, noise, overstimulation, and social gatherings can overwhelm children who have anxiety, sensory needs, or neurodevelopmental differences.
Behavioral and Emotional Indicators of Holiday Stress
Children may not verbalize their stress directly. Instead, symptoms often emerge through behavioral changes, somatic complaints, or shifts in mood and functioning.
Parents may observe:
- Irritability, tantrums, or emotional outbursts
- Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
- Complaints of headaches or stomachaches
- Withdrawal or loss of interest in usual activities
- Regression (acting younger than their age, clinginess, or bedwetting)
- Trouble concentrating or following directions
- Excessive worrying or needing frequent reassurance
- Negative self-talk (“I’m bad,” “No one likes me,” “It’s my fault”)
These symptoms may indicate that a child’s coping resources are depleted and that additional support and structure are needed.
How Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Can Help
One principal of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is that there is a relationship between how we think, feel and act. Helping children notice and challenge unhelpful thoughts can reduce stress and promote resilience.
Here’s how parents can help:
- Validate and Name the Feeling
Help your child identify and label what they’re feeling (“It sounds like you’re feeling worried about visiting both houses,” or “You’re sad that Grandma isn’t here this year”). Validation helps children feel seen and understood.
- Identify and Reframe
Guide your child to notice when their thoughts might not be fully true or helpful.
Thought: “Christmas isn’t fun anymore since grandma died.”
Reframe: “It’s different this year, but maybe I can still have fun trying new things”.
- Maintain Predictability
Children feel safer with structure. Keep consistent routines for meals, bedtime, and downtime even when traveling or visiting relatives.
- Encourage Calming Breaks
Find a quiet spot where your child or you and your child, can take a break or use coping skills (like deep breathing, drawing, or a favorite toy).
- Focus on Connection, Not Perfection
Let go of the idea that the holidays must look a certain way. Shared moments of laughter, rest, and play are what children remember most.
- Model Healthy Coping
Children learn from observing. If you take deep breaths, talk through stress, and show flexibility when plans change, they’ll do the same.
- Practice Gratitude and Mindfulness
Encourage kids to notice (and model for them) small, good things each day – provide praise for kind and helpful acts. This shifts attention away from worries. Focus your attention on what is going well.